Lobby: Running quotes & jokes!?

Hey all....any good running jokes out there? Or inspirational quotes? Lets post em here for laughs & the love of running.

Here's a couple jokes I found...not all entirely about running..but still worth a read...

 The Joy of Jogging:

1. For every mile you jog, you add one minute to your life. This enables you, at the age of 85, to spend an additional five months in a nursing home at $5,000/month.
2. The only reason I took up jogging was to hear heavy breathing again.
3. I joined a health club last year, spending $400 in the process. I haven't lost a pound. Apparently you have to show up.
4. I have to exercise early in the morning, before my brain figures out what I'm doing.
5. I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
6. The advantage to exercising every day is that you die healthier.
7. I have flabby thighs but fortunately my stomach covers them.
8. If you are going to take up cross-country skiing, it helps to start with a small country.
9. I don't jog; it makes me spill my milk shake.
10. Actually, I don't exercise at all. If we were meant to touch our toes, we would have them farther up on our body.

Pain is temporary.  It may last a minute, or an hour, or a day, or a year, but eventually it will subside and something else will takes its place.  If I quite, however, it lasts forever.

Sorry this is more like stupid things non runners say!

Dont worry he wont bite (aslong as you lie flat and show him your stomach). 

 "You can stop now i cant see them!"

"They used to lock people like you up. is this care in the community". - my neigbour aged 72

"What did you say to your wife"

2 staff nurses smoking outside our hospital " isnt there better ways to spend you lunch break"  The fact they were women stopped my use of a UFC takedown followed by arm bar.